6-10 years old: “I was frequently playing with my sisters and brothers in our mountain. We used to play hide and seek all the time to the point of forgetting our daily chores and eventually getting scolded by our father.”

15-20 years old: “I was working for my grandmother’s palayan and at the same time studying. But I stopped later when my grandmother decided to support my cousin’s education instead of me and so I decided to work as a waitress in a restaurant.”

22 years old: “I was married at a young age even if I’m slightly against it. The reason is I don’t want to marry yet at such a young age, but my father already accepted Alvaro’s intention.”

25-40 years old: “I gave birth to 2 girls and 4 boys, but unfortunately, God immediately took my 2 sons away. It was one of my biggest tragedies in life, and so was my husband’s. He even slapped me in the face because he blamed me for our son’s death.”

45 years old: “I lost my husband…”

50-76 years old: “I can’t ignore loneliness but then, that’s life, at least I have grandchildren which makes my time more precious than ever when I’m with them..”

These are the statements I’ve heard from Lola Flora Aniñon, a 76 years old resident of Kamputhaw, Cebu City. She was my landlady last sem. Lola Flora is a widow, having lost her husband (Alvaro) 31 years ago. She’s living with her one son and family in the house. Lola Flora is a member of the Legion of Mary, a religious organization in the Catholic Church in Capitol Site. She is also a member of the Senior Citizen’s and receives payment monthly for her pension. Aside from the pension, she also gets money from the room she is renting with in her house and the money she receives from her sons and daughters.

Despite the fact that she’s well taken cared of in terms of money, she is a little bit of an irritation to the son and family she’s living with in her house. Why? Because Lola Flora seems to step beyond the bounds of the family’s private life. Auntie Inday (Lola Flora’s daughter-in-law), said that Lola Flora is always meddling with the family’s affairs. Even Auntie Inday’s daughters doesn’t speak to their own Lola because of her meddlesome attitude.

Back to Lola Flora, I do firmly believe that late adults or “oldies” do experience that feeling of loneliness. Analyzing Lola Flora’s attitude, I know she misses the times when she would help her grandmother do the housework, the times when she prepares baon for her husband, the times when her children were still very close and dependent to her, and the times when she feels she is not being neglected by her family.

I believe that Lola’s meddlesome attitude is due to the fact that she wants to prove something to her son and daughter-in-law. And that is being able to be responsible and proving that even in her age, she is not useless. Late adults usually have the thought that they’re very useless because of their weak resistance and so on. They thought that now that they’re old, their decisions in family matters would definitely not matter. And that would be the time that they would get lonely.

When I was still boarding in her house, I remember one time that I have to leave for Mindanao because it’s vacation time. But I was reluctant because she is whining and crying loudly in the house just because she feels her granddaughters do not care for her at all. I really pitied her at that time, and I promised myself when I get home to Mindanao, I would treat my grandparents the way they like to be treated and I would pay special attention to them.

In my experience of my grandparents (mother side), I was also aware of their loneliness. I recall that there was once incident when we’re watching tv and she wants another channel but we, children, don’t want to change it. With that, she eventually leaves us in the sala and go to her room. Because we’re still stubborn children at that time, we did not pay attention to her. I know they hate it when they eventually lose their influence in the family, like what my grandfather is feeling. He always scolds my father and my uncle (my mother’s brother) for their bad behavior (i.e., smoking and  tamad attitude).

Loneliness is always felt whenever we feel we are being neglected by our family and we are losing our influence to our close friends, relatives, family, or even society. Not only the old ones do experience this kind of feeling, but children, teenagers and middle adults are also included. But mostly, the greatest loneliness is usually felt by the oldies especially the widowed or single ones like Lola Flora.

Avoiding loneliness seems to be inevitable. For me, loneliness can be overcome if the close persons or the family of the said lonely person will help her/him to be happy. That is, in the case of Lola Flora’s loneliness, her sons and daughters should be able to identify and address her problem and that they would at least listen to and respect Lola Flora.

Remember, if you’re young today, then think about tomorrow. Surely, soon, you’ll also be like Lola Flora’s age. How would you feel if you’re being neglected and lost your influence in the family? Think about it folks…

..,lit 3 journal…, grrrrr.., i feel like i’m in the psych dep..,